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R U A Spy? Alebo ako sú Amíci krepí 
Rôzne | Dna 20.1.2003 | Frenky | 52 znamok, priemer 1.71 | 3299 videni | 397 WAP videni

Jedná sa o záznam chatu jedného profesora s americkým dievčaťom. Čítajte a nahajte sa pobaviť naivnou sprostosťou naších milých američanov

A= americanka
C=normalni clovek Muffin man


A: Frank zAppa?
C: Promin?
A: Pisen od Franka zAppa.
C: Jaka to je pisen?
A: muffin man, mas ji rad?
C: Nejsem si jisty o cem mluvis
A: Kde jsi ziskal sve jmeno?
C: Mel jsem obchod s muffiny, tak se nazyvam MuffinMan. Kdo je Frank
Zappa?
A: Ty nevis kdo to je? Je jeden z nejlepsich zpevaku na svete, napsal
mnoho dobrych pisni.
C: Je American? Neznam mnoho Americkych zpevaku. Ale znam Franka
Sinatru.
A: Proc neznas Americke zpevaky?
A: Kdo je Frank Sinatra?
A: Jsi tu porad?
C: Promin, psal jsem e-mail. Frank Sinatra je jeden z nejvetsich
Americkych'crooners' vubec. Prodal miliony nahravek po celem svete. Jeho
nejznamejsi pisne jsou My Way a New York, New York.
A: Je rockovy zpevak? Ve ktere je skupine?
C: Uz je mrtvy.
A: Ok, ve ktere je skupine? Je to rockova skupina jako 'arosmith'? Mam
rada 'arosmith', co ty?
A: Jsi tu?
C: Byl ve rockove skupine '*** Americane'. Mozna najdes jejich desky v
mistnim obchode. Delali super pisnicky o americanech. Jejich nejlepsi
pisen je 'Proc je me IQ tak male', dalsi dobra pisen se jmenovala 'Muj
spelling je shitozni '. Ano jsem stale zde, jen jsem psal delsi zpravu
A: Nemyslim, ze bych mela rada tuto skupinu, je to stupidni jmeno pro
skupinu. ............ Par kecu o prezdivce Americanky ........
C: ........Kde bydlis?
A: Ok, ziji OK
C: Co, co je OK?
A: Ok, Oklahoma, Tys to nevedel, Jsi *** (to me dostalo amici, pupek
sveta)
C: Prosim nenazyvej me ***. Nejsem ***, jen jsem nevedel, ze OK je
zkratka pro Oklahomu. Ve kterem meste bydlis?
A: Tulsa, to je nuda!!!! Kde bydlis?
C: V Ceske Republice
A: To neznam, v jakem to je state?
C: Neni ve state, je to zeme v Evrope
A: jako Londyn?
C: Neco na ten zpusob, ale je to dale od zeme Londyn.
A: Kde to teda je?
C: Nekde mezi Nemeckem a Ruskem
A: Strycek me vypravel o rusku. Jednou proti nim bojoval. Rikal ze tam
jsou komouci nebo tak neco.
C: Tvuj strycek bojoval proti RUsku? Wow! Musi byt velmi statecny. Ktera
to byla valka? WWII?
A: Ve vietnamske valce proti rusum. Rikal ze (tento patvar fakt
neprelozim)
C: Nevedel jsem ze Rusko bylo ve Vietnamske valce. Urcite musis znat
vasi historii! Wow!
A: Ano tak to bylo a lid vietnamu taktez. Dejepis je jeden z mych
oblibenych predmetu. Jaktoze nevis? Jsi Rus?
C: Nejsem Rus, jsem Cech, ale jsme blizko Rusku. Vedel jsem ze, Rusko
pomahalo Vietnamcum s penezi a zbranemi, ale nevedel jsem, ze tam take
bojovali. Jsem ohromem tvymi znalostmi.
A: Diky!!! Dejepis je muj nejlepsi predmet. Ucitel rika ze si urcite
povedu dobre na me maturite. Jsi komous?
C: Spravne to je komunista. Ano jsem.
A: Muj strycek rika ze, ze komunisti jsou bastardi a meli by byt
vybombeni atomovkama
C: Tak pak bych mel byt mrtvy. Myslim ze to by me udelalo velmi smutnym,
protoze jsem pekna osoba. Myslis, ze jsem pekna osoba?
A: Moc te neznam. Ale byla bych pravdepodobne smutna, kdyby jsi byl
mrtvy od narozeni. Zabijeni lidi neni pekne, ale komousi zabijeji lidi
porad a jsou dabelsti.
C: Ne to neni pravda. Jsme pekni lide. Jako Americane. Je ti opravdu 17?
A: ANO! JE! Kolik ti je?
C: Nevim
A: PROC NEVIS?
C: Protoze v komunistickych statech nemame narozeniny. Nikdo nevi jak je
stary, myslim ze mam okolo 30 americkeho veku
A: nemate narozeniny? To je moc smutne, ja mam rada moje narozeniny,
rekni mi prosim tve realne jmeno
C: Mam mnoho jmen, ale me soucasne jmeno je Lenin. Pristi rok si musim
jmeno zmenit, ale jeste nevim na jake
A: Proc si menis jmeno?
C: Promin, nemuzu ti rict, to je tajemstvi.
A: Meni si kazdy v Rusku jmeno?
C: Ne jen lide jako ja. Ale neni to tak spatne. To znamena ze moje
ex-manzelky po me nepatraji, protoze neznaji me prave jmeno. Libi se me
to.
A: Kolik mas manzelek?
C: Doted jsem se zenil 7x. Mam v planu se ozenit znova, ale prvni se
musim zbavit Olgy, me nynejsi manzelky.
A: Proc? Nemas ji rad?
C: Mam ji velmi rad, ale v teto zemi kdyz zena starne, tak hodne
tloustne. Nemam rad tluste zeny. Tak si poridim novou, ktera neni
tlusta, Jsi tlusta?
A: NE NEJSEM!!!!!!!!! NEJSEM TLUSTA!!!!!!!! BUDU MODELKOU!!!!!!!!
C: To je pekne, mam rad divky, ktere vypadaji jako modelky, mozna muzes
byt moje nova zena
A: NE!
C: Jen jsem si delal srandu. Opravdu. Vis, nemuzes byt moje dalsi zena,
protoze by se ti tady nelibilo.
A: Ok. Proc se me nelibilo v Rusku? Rekni me o Rusku
C: Ok ale bude to dlouha veta. Musis pockat dokud to nedopisu Ok?
A: Pockam
C: Dobre, protoze znas historii, muzes toto rict tvemu uciteli ve skole
A: Ok
C: Za prve, nemyslim, ze by se ti tu libilo, protoze nemame televize.
Pred mnoha lety tu byl muz jmenem Stalin a stal se prezidentem Ruska a
demokratickych zemi jako ma. Rekl ze TV je velmi spatna vec a udelal
protizakonne divat se na TV nebo ji prodavat,
A: Nemate televize? Delas si srandu?
A: Slysela jsem o Stalinovy;
A: Jsi tam?
C: A take nemame auta. To je protoze Americane nam nechteji prodat naftu
z mist jako je Texas. A nejsou tu zadne jine zeme na svete, ktere
produkuji naftu. V mnoha smerech je to dobre, protoze tak neztloustneme,
protoze chodime vsude pesky. Proto to tu asi nebudes mit rada.
A: Amerika neni jedina zeme, ktera produkuje naftu, muj strycek byl ve
valce v Perskem zalivu, ktera byla o naftu!!!!!!!!!! Amerika vyhrala
valku!!!
C: Jsem velmi okouzlen. Vazne znas svou historii. Ale vedela jsi, ze
Kuwait(zeme ktera produkuje ropu) je ted Americkym statem? To znamena,
ze Americane vlastni tuto ropu a neprodaji ji komunistum.
A: Samozrejme ze vim!!!! diky, znam historii
A: Mate pocitace?
C: Ne nemame pocitace krome vlady.
A: Kdyz nemate pocitace, jakto ze me pises?
C: Pracuji pro vladu
A: Jako spion? JSI SPION?
C: To ti nemuzu rict, pokud ti to reknu a ty nekomu jinemu, budu ve
velkych problemech.
A: Nikomu to nereknu, rekni me to prosim!!!
C: Musis me to slibit. Pokud ti to reknu a nekdo to zjisti, budu strelen
do hlavy. Uz jsem byl strelen do hlavy drive a nemam to rad. Boli to!!!
A: Ty jsi nebyl STRELEN DO HLAVY!!! POKUD BY JSI BYL STRELEN DO
HLAVY,BYL BY JSI MRTVY!!!! NEBALAMUT ME!!!!
C: Byl jsem opravdu strelen do hlavy, fakt. Ale minulo to muj mozek a
ted mam kovovou desku v hlave
A: COOL!!! Jsi spion?
C: Ano, pracuji pro KGB, PROSIM nikomu to nerikej
A: Slibuji, nereknu stryckovi, byl by asi nastavany, ze jsem mluvila s
komunistou. Je to vzrusujici byt spionem?? Zabil jsi mnoho lidi?
C: Je to velice pekne byt spionem. Znamena to, ze muzu jist nekdy maso.
Vetsina lidi v komunistickych zemich nemuze jist maso, pize chleba.
A: cool? Zabil jsi nekoho?
C: Zabil jsem jen dva lidi. Ale neni to pekne. Musel jsem zabit meho
otce, protoze predaval tajne veci Americanum.
A: To je strasne!!!!! JA MILUJI MEHO OTCE!!!!!
C: O muj boze, nekdo prisel do mistnosti.
A: Kdo dosel do mistnosti?
A: Jsi tam porad??
A: Musim jit, ahoj
C: KDO JE TO?
A: Jsi zpatky, kde jsi byl?
C: KDO JSI? KDO JE TO?
A: Kdo jsi? Kde je ta osoba z drivejska?
C: ODESEL. VYZPOVIDAME HO. CO TI RIKAL
A: Musim JIT!!!!!!!!
C: CO TI RIKAL? ODKUD JSI? JSI TAKE SPION?
A: NE!!!! JA NEJSEM SPION!!!!! Musim jit!!!!!
C: MY SI TE NAJDEME! TAK MLUV!
A: NENAJDETE ME! Odchazim!
C: JSI AMERICANKA ZE STATU OKLAHOMA.
A: Jak to vite? NE NEJSEM!!!!
C: MAME NEJLEPSI TECHNOLOGIE A VIME ZE JSI Z TULSY. MUSIME S TEBOU
MLUVIT.
A: BEZ PRYC!!!!!!!! NIC JSEM NEUDELALA!!!!!!!!!! VYPINAM MUJ
POCITAC!!!!!!!!!



A teraz original:


{SnOOkiE} Frank zAppa?
[GTF]MuffinMan Excuse me?
{SnOOkiE} The song bi frank Zappa
[GTF]Muffin Man Which song is that?
{SnOOkiE} muffin man song. do u like it?
[GTF]MuffinMan I am not sure what you are talking about I'm afraid.
{SnOOkiE} where did u get you're name from thwn??
[GTF]MuffinMan I used to run a muffin shop, so I called myself the MuffinMan. Who is Frank Zappa?
{SnOOkiE} U dint now who he is??? he is 1 of the bestest singeres in the world. He made many great songs.
[GTF]MuffinMan Is he American? I don't know many American singers. I do know Frank Sinatra though.
{SnOOkiE} why dont you know American singers???
{SnOOkiE} who is frank sinatera???
{SnOOkiE} are u still there???
[GTF]MuffinMan Sorry, I was writing an e-mail. Frank Sinatra was one of the greatest American crooners ever. He sold millions of records around the world. His most famous songs are My Way and New York, New York.
{SnOOkiE} is he a rock singer? What band is he in???
[GTF]MuffinMan He is dead now.
{SnOOkiE} Ok. So what band is he in??? Is it a fock band like arosmith??? i like arosmith, do u
{SnOOkiE} are u still there??
[GTF]MuffinMan He was in a Rock Band called "The *** Americans". You can probably find their records in your local record shop. They made many GREAT records about Americans. Their best song was called "Why is my IQ so small?" Another great song was called, "My spelling is shit." Yes I am still here, just a longer sentance to type.
{SnOOkiE} i dont think i wood like this band. it is a stupid name fro a band.
[GTF]MuffinMan Yes it is, but they were writing social commentary, so the songs MEANT something!!
{SnOOkiE} wot is soceal commentery?
[GTF]MuffinMan It doesn't matter. You are right. You probably wouldn't like the music. Can I ask you some questions?
{SnOOkiE} Ok, like wot?
[GTF]MuffinMan Are you male or female?
{SnOOkiE} femail. and u?
[GTF]MuffinMan Your name is nice. Where did you get it from?
{SnOOkiE} my mom used to call me it when i was young!
[GTF]MuffinMan Why?
{SnOOkiE} because i used to snook around. so she caled me snookie
[GTF]MuffinMan I understand. That makes sense How old are you?
{SnOOkiE} i'am 17. u
[GTF]MuffinMan You are still young Does your mother still call you snookie?
{SnOOkiE} IM NOT YOUNG!!! I AM 17!!! SHE DOSNT CALL ME SNOOKIE ANYMORE!!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan Sorry.
{SnOOkiE} why are you sorry?
[GTF]MuffinMan Because I said you are young. Because I am older I said you are young. To me you are still young but I know you are an adult. Where do you live?
{SnOOkiE} Ok. i live OK
[GTF]MuffinMan What? What is OK?
{SnOOkiE} Ok. oklahama. Dint you know that? r you an ***!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan Please don't call me an ***. Not I am not. I just didn't know that OK was the abbreviation for Oklahama. Which city do you live in?
{SnOOkiE] tulsa. it is boring!!!!! where do u live?
[GTF]MuffinMan The Czech Republic.
{SnOOkiE} i dont know that. what state is it in???
[GTF]MuffinMan It's not in any state, it is a country in Europe.
{SnOOkiE} like london??
[GTF]MuffinMan Something like that. But it is not close to the country of London.
{SnOOkiE} where is it then?
[GTF]Muffin Man It's between Russia and Germany.
{SnOOkiE} mi uncle told me aboot russia. he was fiting against them once time. he said there are commies or something.
[GTF]MuffinMan Your Uncle was fighting against Russia? Wow! He must be very brave. Which war was this in? WWII?
{SnOOkiE} against the vietnam war against the russians. he siad we lost because our politicens werre all hamos and they dint help people like him to kill the gooks.
[GTF]MuffinMan I didn't know that Russia was in the Vietnam war. You must really know your history! Wow!
{SnOOkiE} yes it was. and vietnam peple as well. hsitory s 1 of my favoirite subjects. why didnt u know? u are russina.
{SnOOkiE} are u still tjhere???
[GTF]MuffinMan I am not Russian, I am Czech. But we are close to Russia. I knew that the Russians were helping the Vietnamese with money and weapons, but I didn't know that they were fighting there. I am very impressed with your knowledge.
{SnOOkiE} thnx!! history is my bestest subject. my teachers sais that i will do realy well in my final exams. r u a commie?
[GTF]MuffinMan Actually, it's communist. Yes I am.
{SnOOkiE} mi uncle and my pop says that comminunists are bastads and shold be bomed with nuclear barns.
[GTF]MuffinMan Then I would be dead. I think that would make me very sad because I am a nice person. Do you think I am a nice person?
{SnOOkiE} i dont know u very well. but probaby it wood be sad if you were dead from a born. killing pople is not nice but commies kill people all the time and they are evil.
[GTF]MuffinMan It's not true. We are very nice people. Just like Americans. Are you really 17 years old?
{SnOOkiE} YES!!! I AM!!! how old r u?
[GTF]Muffin Man I don't know.
{SnOOkiE} ?? WHY DONT U KNOW??
[GTF]MuffinMan Because in communist countries we don't have birthdays. No one knows how old they are. I think I am something like 30 in American age.
{SnOOkiE} u dont have birfdays?? that is very sad. i like my b/day. tell me please what your real name is.
[GTF]Muffin Man I have many names, but my name now is Lenin. Next year I must change my name again. I don't know what I will change it to yet.
{SnOOkiE} ?? why do u change your name??
[GTF]MuffinMan I'm sorry, I can't tell you. It's a secret.
{SnOOkiE} does everone change there name in russia???
[GTF]MuffinMan No, only people like me. But it's not too bad. It means that I don't get my ex-wives chasing after me because they can't find out what my real name is. I like it.
{SnOOkiE} hhow many wifes to you have???
[GTF]MuffinMan So far I have been married 7 times. I am going to get married again soon, but first I must get rid of Olga, my current wife.
{SnOOkiE} why??? do u not like here?
[GTF]MuffinMan I like her very much, but in this country when a woman starts to get older she gets VERY fat. I don't like fat women. So I will get a new one who is not fat. Are you fat?
{SnOOkiE} NO I AM NOT""'! I AM NOTT FAT!!!! I AM GOING TO BE A MODEL!!!! (GTF]MuffinMan That's nice. I like girls that look like models. Maybe you can be my next wife.
{SnOOkiE} NO!!! lM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan Sorry Snookie, I was joking. Really. I know that you can't be my next wife because you wouldn't like it here.
{SnOOkiE} Ok. as long as u were jocking! why woudlnt i like it there in russia?? tell me about russin!
[GTF]MuffinMan Ok, but it will be a long sentance. You will have to wait while I type it, ok?
{SnOOkiE} ok. i will wait.
[GTF]MuffinMan Good, because if you like history, you can tell this to your teacher at school
{SnOOkiE} ok
[GTF]MuffinMan Firstly, I don't think that you would like it here because we don't have televisions. Many years ago there was a man named Stalin, and he became president of Russia and the peoples democracies, countries like mine. Anyway, he said that TV was a very bad thing and made it against the law for people to watch it or sell them. Ok, please wait because my screen is full and I want to type more....
{SnOOkiE} u dont have television? r u jocking?
{SnOOkiE} i have heard of stalin.
{SnOOkiE} r u still there??
[GTF]MuffinMan Anyway, we also don't have cars. This is because the Americans won't let us buy petrol from places like Texas. And there are no other countries in the world that can make petrol. In many ways this is good, because we don't get so fat as we have to walk everywhere. So I think you wouldn't like it here.
{SnOOkiE} america isnt the only cuntry that makes petrol. my uncle was in the war of the gulf which was a war about petrol!!!!!!!! america won thw war!!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan I'm very impressed! You really do know your history. But did you know that Kuwait (the country that makes petrol) is now an American state? This means that Americans own this petrol and they won't sell it to communists.
{SnOOkiE} of course i knew!!!!!!! thnks. i like hsitory
{SnOOkiE} do u have computers?
[GTFJMuffinMan No, we don't have computers here, except for the government.
{SnOOkiE} if u dont have computores then how r u writing to me??
[GTF]MuffinMan I work for the government.
{SnOOkiE} LIEK A SPY? R U A SPY!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan Snookie, I can't tell you that. If I tell you and you tell someone else then I will be in trouble.
{SnOOkiE} i wont tell anyone else. tell me please!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan You have to promise me. If I tell you and someone finds out, I will be shot in the head. I have been shot in the head before and I don't like it. It hurts!
{SnOOkiE} you havent been SHOT IN THE HEAD!!! If U WERE SHot IN THE HEAD U WOOD BE DEAD!!!! Dont JOKE me!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan Snookie, I really have been shot in the head. Promise. But it missed my brain and how I have a metal plate in my head.
{SnOOkiE} COOL! r u a spy?
[GTF]MuffinMan Yes, I work for the KGB. PLEASE don't tell anybody.
{SnOOkiE} I promise. i wont even tell my uncle, he wood probably be angry for talking me to an commie anyway. is it cool being a spy? have u killed many people?
[GTF]MuffinMan It's very nice being a spy. It means that I can eat meat sometimes. Most people in communist countries can't eat meat, only bread.
{SnOOkiE} cool. did u kill people??
[GTF]MuffinMan I have only killed two people. But it's not nice. I had to kill my father because he was giving secrets to the Americans.
{SnOOkiE} thats horrible!!!!!!!! i LOVE MY FATHER!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan Oh my god, someone has come in the room!!
{SnOOkiE} who has cum in the room??
{SnOOkiE} r u still there???
{SnOOkiE} hello??
{SnOOkiE} i will go now. bye bye
[GTF]MuffinMan WHO IS ZIS??
{SnOOkiE} u r back. where did u go?
[GTF]MuffinMan WHO ARE YOU? WHO IS ZIS?
{SnOOkiE} who r u?? where is the person from before??
[GTF]MuffinMan HE IS GONE. WE WILL QUESTION HIM. WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
{SnOOkiE} i have to GO!!!!!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan WHAT DID HE TELL YOU? WHERE ARE YOU FROM? ARE YOU A SPY AS WELL?
{SnOOkiE} NO!!!!!!! im NOT a SPY!!!! i must go!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan WE WILL FIND YOU! TELL US!
{SnOOkiE} u WONT FIND mE!!! im going
[GTF]MuffinMan YOU ARE AMERICAN FROM ZE STATE OF OKLAHOMA.
{SnOOkiE} how do u knwo?? NO IM NOT!!!!
[GTF]MuffinMan WE HAZ VERY BEST TECHNOLOGY AND NOW I KNOW YOU ARE FROM TULSA. WE MUST SPEAK TO YOU!
{SnOOkiE} GO AWAY!!!!! I HAve NOT DONE ANYTNG!!!! I AM tURNIGN MT COMPUTER OFF!!!!!!!!!


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